Spoony's Gaslighting Extravaganza! True tales of torture and denial!

Partly to make up for not publishing anything for some time, here's a very unusually long (two-part) video with a gripping story, which I think I've succeeded at making somewhat uplifting and entertaining:
In 2003, I was horribly tortured, drugged, etc., with devastating effects on my sense of identity. My mom and boyfriend disowned me unless I pretended it didn't happen. After even more gaslighting, I wound up in a mental institution, where I was physically attacked and humiliated further, treated as though my reaction to being traumatized was a form of psychosis.

On this channel, I want to share with people the amazing things I've learned about the mind. This is no exception!

I made sure to include an informative catching-up and introduction segment, in which I hope to explain the relevance of these past experiences to the content of this channel. If you just want to get to the beginning of the story, go to 23:52.

If you are hoping for a transcript, well, not yet, but... it's forthcoming!

The neighbor's cat, by the way, is named Chester.

If I'd been tortured and imprisoned in a POW camp, that would have been one thing. Instead, it happened under more insidious circumstances where the pain and suffering could be blamed on me.

In this second part of the story, the sheer level of denial will astound you.

It even includes the story where Bill turns around in his seat in order to avoid acknowledging that the car is careening across lanes!



By the end of this, I hope that many of you are doing your own version of the "negativity dance". Boogie down!

With all the Facebook comments I've been getting about how people are anticipating these new videos, I'm surprised no one has 'liked' or commented on either of the links in the past 12 hours. I was hoping to add that to this blog post, but, nothing so far.

[Edit: That changed while I was writing this post. And here is a comment I liked from Boe DuRansier:

Difficult to watch but incredibly important. You could, and should, become the voice for all those who have endured and suffered in silence simply because the one(s) who hurt them had better credentials. 

And, I promise, I really will make transcripts for these videos, now that they are done. They are certainly transcript-worthy!]

Now that I have all this out of the way, I'll get back to making shorter videos with more whiteboard and more "aliens"! There are already two I've been working on....

What may be the most important video I publish...

There is something I have been needing to get off my chest for about 13 years, and it has been really burning at me since I began recording audio for Skeptophany. (Computer is still in the shop, btw.)

All I can say is, I seem to have released so many years of tension by recording it, and my health has improved suddenly. Part of that is also my body being so close to "normal" after years of physical therapy.

My face is even very close to being symmetrical! I have repeatedly attempted to attach two photos representing this to the Blogger app. That hasn't worked, so if there are photos, that means the app I have replaced it with, Bloggeroid has shown its superiority once more!)





My feet are also better at footing, by the way, after at least a year of work on the toes. There is also more room in my body cavity, it is easier to breathe, speak, and get food down.

The contents of the video mainly concerns my recounting of events that happened for 12 days, very intense horror movie-grade institutional abuse. I never got into it on the podcast, and it hasn't properly had a chance to be published.

It is one of the main reasons I discovered that suggestion and other inner processes, when used therapeutically, can reverse intense effects of trauma, like conversion disorder, and other perceptions.

I have had difficulty uploading this before, but it is making progress on the laptop I am borrowing. (Have been typing this over and over on my phone, hence I downloaded Bloggeroid to actually publish it.)

It is a long video, and I will make it significantly shorter because editing. I had long considered editing it before uploading it, but decided to tough it out. I will have it figured out one of these days.

The mental/bodily tension that I released by recording this video seems to be "in limbo" until it is published.
It has been uploading for days, I had been hoping it might be up in time for Calendar Flip day, but no biggie. The best things are worth waiting to upload. I have not actually watched it yet, but don't think I will have to shoot any additional video.

Just looking forward to moving forward after this video is finished. It has been consuming my mind since last video, and fight it as I might, as soon as things slowed down this month, I could think of nothing else.

I have been reluctant, thinking of this as selfish, but have needed to do this for years after being told for so long to forget it and pretend like it never happened. I can't let them win. There is something to be learned from self-erasure and almost losing your memory and sense of who you were.

posted from Bloggeroid

I admit, I've been fighting it, but...

Now that I haven't been insanely busy and fatigued, I have had time to figure out what has been stopping me, regarding my blog/video productivity. My next video will be somewhat different than the one I originally envisioned in October. I am quite enthusiastic about its release. Let's just say that my health may improve just by publishing it.

There are yet more posts and videos, whenever I am stronger

On this blog, I will type a few sentences and then save as draft. I almost never seem to be able to have the energy to finish because I spend what little energy I have on other things. This blog has been full of drafts since the beginning, it's not as empty as it seems.

I want so badly to be able to hold myself in position long enough to type a paragraph. Using my phone to do this, I have been deprived of sleep way too long, but my laptop is in the shop finally, so I hope it gets working again soon!
I would try editing videos today, or shoot videos, but need to take a day off to rest. I am so exhausted by weeks of no sleep from excessive work. Many days I wake up, leave the house, come back, have dinner, and go right back to sleep.

In reference to my last blog post, which is a draft so you cant read it yet, I am probably not even going to my gym as much as Lindy West is.

So, this is one of those mobile phone posts to tell you that I am still here and have not forgotten about this,blog,or my videos!

More videos coming...

I've been really exhausted and under the weather lately, but I have been uploading more video clips, for my third and fourth videos! (Now up to 50!)

My next video will be the one about why I purport to feel sorry for most people, you know, because I'm sick of people feeling sorry for me. I am still planning to make a video called "There is No Spoony", perhaps the one after that. Although something tells me I'll stop to make a CSI Con video first...

I am too exhausted to keep my body in position long enough to write down what's been going on, or why I've been exhausted all month (mostly has to do with getting a sinus infection, which is unusual nowadays, but even weirder than that). So, I will keep you updated after my return from, hopefully, chatting up some speakers, Dawkins included, I hope!

Assuming I don't catch the Con Crud, I'll be taking down some walls in this blog and erecting some videos as well!

Transcript of my second YouTube video, where I introduce myself, my podcast, and show an Underwater "UFO"!

In this video, I overcome some of the shame inhibiting a proper introduction of myself, in a most unconventional way! Though I mention being disabled, I show that I have some interesting (and unconventional) abilities as well!
` I talk about the challenges I've been facing all my life, as well as what my podcast is all about, and what's been going on with it all this time! Plus, there's many fun/important annotations! (And, if your device does not display this text, they are included in the transcript below!)
` Finally, I show the underwater "UFOs" glowing beneath the surface of Puget Sound! Don't believe me? Well... HERE'S UNDENIABLE VIDEO PROOF!!!!1!

Shame and Disabilities, Skeptophany blog/podcast, and Underwater "UFO" video!

In this post, I've included a transcript of the whole video, meant to be helpful to people whose vision/hearing is impaired. Or aren't seeing the annotations. In any case, there's a little bit of 'bonus material' embedded in there for anyone who wants to peek a bit farther into the depths.
` In a blurb below this video on YouTube (in what they call the "doobly-doo"), I mention just how long it took me to master its basic, web-based editing software.

Though I had uploaded this video on September 26 and made a rough edit by the 28th, it took several days to figure out the limitations of YouTube Video Editor, and then completely re-edit the entire video three times (yes, even the annotations).
Also in that duration, I've spent a lot of time attuning my mind for pain control, and it's working better than I thought it would! Hooray for pain/mind control! Yeees, mind control!
And the better I can control YouTube, the more minds I can control, mua ha ha ha ha haaaaaaaaaaa!

Without further ado, here's the transcript (just below the page break, a.k.a. the "thingy-thing"):

Give me a little more time...

I have several posts on this blog, but am feeling inhibited about publishing them just now. However, I've been working on breaking down those inhibitions. Not only that, but I've been working on getting better "UFO" videos. Here's undeniable proof of both!

Well, I guess it won't embed, so here's the link to my second YouTube video!

OMG RUN FOR THE HILLS! THE ALIEN TAKEOVER!!!1!