I'm finally starting to get on some semblance of track...

It seems that I had the power of Snow White and the little forest creatures to clean all the dirtiest things I could clean around the house while both of my housemates were out of town.
` I took one of them home from the airport, who said, "Oh my God, you are an angel of mercy. Will you marry me?'"
` I'll take that.
` Really, I just need to put the same care into my own room and I'll be on my way to finishing all my projects -- podcasts, videos, blog posts, even more! I only just recently had gotten all of my stuff in my room put away in plastic storage containers, which I had to buy because my shelves are all in storage sheds.
` My other housemate -- his mother -- is still in Michigan due to medical issues which prevented her from flying in an airplane for (probably) a couple of weeks. She is expected to fully recover.

That aside, it was very nice completely having the house to myself, although I spent most of my time either doing things I need to do, cleaning, socializing, briefly (for the most part) getting onto Facebook, or sorting out emotional issues, rather than doing my own projects (even when the internet came back on).
` It seems I have no real excuse, although the need to spend hours cleaning was legitimate. Let's just say, the smell/allergic reactions were so intense that I almost wanted to move out upon moving in. I identified and deodorized/cleaned everything that needed it.
` I was repeatedly interrupted by Spooky the cat, who kept putting his paws in his water dish and then tracking water all over the house. Which became especially annoying when mixed with cat litter dust. I responded the most logical way possible:
` I poured the water from his bowl onto his fur. And he responded by licking it off. And pawing at the bowl until I had emptied the entire thing onto him. I even have video of this that, which will be one of the many things I am reserving for YouTube.

It is now after 6:30 in the morning. I woke up a few hours ago and could really use a little more sleep. One day, my sleep schedule will also improve. At least that's what I keep telling myself. Later, I'm planning to write the script to a new video. Until then, zzzzzzz!

Starting yet another new life...

I am writing this on my new phone to say that I wrote a longer post (also on my phone) and it didn't publish: But my point was that, barring disaster, I will return to blogging and making videos about everything I have learned whilst overcoming enormous obstacles, from changing my views on everything to altered states of consciousness.
Just as soon as I unpack and assemble my new room more fully.

So, I'm moving across Seattle...

Since my last update, a lot has happened and my entire social structure has changed. And, I am moving from South Seattle to Edmonds.

I sure will miss taking care of the rainbow of sedums and snuggling with the neighbor's mind control cat, Chester. I would post photos, but my laptop is unable to find the WiFi network all of a sudden.

My new phone, which I just bought today, is connected to the WiFi, hence I can write this post using BloggerPro app.

I just wanted everyone to know that I am using my damaged brain to get on with life and be part of a better situation. Perhaps once I arrive, blogging, making videos and everything else will be easier.

For now, back to sleep. Everything must be moved tomorrow.

Coming Out Of The Closet As Brain-Damaged...

So, last November, my brain was noticeably injured, and it could have had some very serious consequences, although I think I am past that now. I wasn't sure what I would have to tell people for a long time, but I think I'm "me" now, and I'm okay, just fuzzy-headed.

It does not affect my ability to write, although I am still wrestling with my body. Right now I have my right knee on the couch and my left foot on the floor. I am forgoing beating myself up by trying to crouch on pillows. I can't hold this position for long, but I would like to say I am officially out of physical pain since the 1996 injury that my parents punished me for having, I'm just dealing with tension now.
` I'm also doing vocal exercises to keep my voice from cracking since it went down an octave last year. That's how good my neck is doing -- I can hold my head up, turn it normally, feel air pass through the left side of my trachea, and my tongue no longer protrudes from my mouth, so I don't constantly have to pull it in. And yes, I have a deep, resonant voice!

This is all a lot more interesting than I'm making it out to be, it's just difficult to keep my balance.

I have much more to add to my blog, and have many more videos to make, including my podcast, which is what this blog is named after, however, the sound on my NEW computer isn't working! So, I'm about to take my laptop to the shop to see what's what. If I can't get it fixed, I will have to buy another expensive big laptop (it has to be large in order to accommodate my physical disabilities).

I have SO MUCH STUFF I've just not been putting online, so I hope to remedy that once I get my computer back.

Is Gender For Real?

To be unexpectedly honest, my own gender identity has seemed unclear for most of my life until about ten days ago. This is the first time I can remember that I have ever definitely felt that I was female, and just typing that sentence feels amazing. All my life I've been learning about gender and wondering why it is that I never could find that sense within myself, and now that I sense it, it seems quite different than I had expected.
` There are many reasons why this should not surprise anyone: Part of this is due to nature -- my more masculine brain development due to Asperger's -- but probably most of it is because of the way I was treated for most of my life. To start with, I was raised as a subhuman, as though my mind nor health were not valid considerations, yet acting "like a girl" and pretending that nothing's wrong was vital to existence.
` My dad told me that women are property, and that I would grow up to be a drug-addicted whore. Both my parents said that the tortuously agonizing symptoms of the potentially lethal chronic infection in my uterus were normal, that I was faking my fever and inability to move for days, that I'd have to endure this until middle age, and would be punished if I told a doctor. (When I did tell a doctor, at age 20, he refused to acknowledge my symptoms, and injured my genitals, which hurt so badly I couldn't sit right for years.)
` On top of that, the injuries I sustained in childhood which I was not permitted to see a doctor about gradually twisted my body and caused my lower back and glutes to atrophy. Some of the pain and disabilities this caused were interpreted as me "being bad", or "unladylike", and others were considered a part of "being female" because women are so weak that they're severely disabled, right?

I really, really didn't want to live as what I was told was 'female', and felt ashamed of being one: How could women be so stupid as to accept this as a desirable fate?
` Throughout my life, my sense of gender has been ground into oblivion due to brutal physical, sexual, medical, and emotional abuse and torture. I have been focusing on and pursuing my sense of humanity, but it was only recently that I discovered a sense of gender within me as well.
` This has happened as I've been recovering from a neurologically and physiologically rough time -- more on that in another post -- and I am more determined than ever to pursue writing, science, art, music, and everything that makes me more me-like. In so doing, I have written a sizeable chunk of text which is perfect for copying and pasting here.
` It is actually a comment I left for a YouTube video by user Black Pigeon Speaks, who condescendingly argues that the psychological and medical community in general is just plain wrong about the existence of gender, and that the real solution for transgender people is to give them antipsychotics.
` Never mind that locking up transgender individuals and giving them antipsychotics against their will used to be the norm, and still happens in some parts of the world, despite the fact that it doesn't work and is extremely psychologically damaging.

I don't normally watch such videos, and likely because of that I don't normally leave blog post-sized comments, but... I was compelled to make an exception. I've met/known a lot of transgender people in my life and have found that they are just normal people who want to be accepted as who they are.
` Since Black Pigeon gave the impression that people who oppose his views are ignorant of science and blinded by self-righteousness, I left a thoughtful and science-based comment that is certainly good enough to cut and paste here, with a small amount of editing, and some added stuff [in brackets], so here goes...

Still blooming through the winter!

I have been beaten down by a number of things before and since last post, and I thank all of you who are supportive. It was extremely nice to visit some friends on Christmas Eve. It has also been nice to make budding, new connections. (Ahem.)
` However, I still sometimes go out and get high off handling dirt, mostly removing male pine cones from the sedums and iceplants. I know it's been a while since I've posted succulent photos, and I have so many new plants I haven't shown on my blog (although I have on Facebook).

"October Plant" sedum, still blooming in January!

I am actually planning to back-post some photos, showing what they have looked like over the months. Right now marks the first time I've loaded and edited some photos on this "new" computer I got on Black Friday. I had extended technical difficulties both with my health and with this laptop, but now everything seems in working order.
` It also amazes me what one can be motivated to do when the neighbor's cat spends his time on your desk area. You know, where my stuff is supposed to be organized, but keeps getting unorganized? He enjoys playing a part in that. And so we got him a cat perch so that doesn't happen. It works, too!

Chester is the most affectionate, happy, energetic cat I can hope to indulge.

The first time I turned on this laptop since last post was the day after writing it, when I probably took half an hour or so to figure out how to find WordPad, and then wrote a large part of a script for a new video. The second time I turned on this laptop was at the beginning of the year, when I started writing this blog post, and then rounded up some video clips for my next video.
` I was able to find all but the one with the music on it. I also found a video editing program, but my computer was too slow to run it.
` Not only was this laptop incredibly slow, but the left shift key didn't work. I had actually found these things when I bought this laptop, but then I caught a severe sinus infection and was brutally ill for about a month, and two courses of antibiotics. While I was sick, I thought perhaps that these problems were not real, but a result of my being incompetent.
` No, they're definitely not because of me.
` So I took this laptop to the tech support part of the electronic store... and it worked perfectly. Apparently, there were some Windows Updates slowing it down, or something, but they didn't happen in the store. And the corner of the shift key popped back out. Spontaneously! It works now!
` So, here's some more sedum photos:

Just testing out my new laptop...

A lot of things have happened since last time. I've gone to the Center for Scientific Inquiry conference, I've had a few ups and downs, and the day before Thanksgiving I had a very traumatic experience, which I am still affected by quite a bit. My priorities in life have changed somewhat, but I still intend to stay present on the Internet.
` I don't have any photos on this computer yet, or anything, I've only just turned it on.

Get this -- I tried the default internet browser, called Edge, which says it is faster than Chrome. I couldn't get my blog post/draft list to appear AT ALL with either of my Blogger accounts. Meaning, I can't access my drafts and finish them! Then I downloaded Chrome, logged into Blogger, and the list just appeared instantly! Hooray for Chrome! I can use this laptop for blogging now!

I would type more, but the metalwork and whatnot that is going on downstairs doesn't seem to be letting up. I don't even expect to be able to take a walk until after the sun goes down. I think I'll go out and pull weeds in order to get some daylight. And yes, some of the sedums and iceplants are still blooming! Photos next time!

Hypnosis reduced my pain even more, and good news about my podcast!

Yes, thanks to a hypnotherapy session over Zoom video chat, the chronic pain I've been living with... is gone. Just gone. There's still some acute pain that comes and goes, but most of it is gone. I just had to visualize myself flying through a bull's eye, and though that sounds cheesy, the pain disappeared when I hit the target. Just gone.

Suggestion. It's a remarkable phenomenon. I forgot how well it works. Doubtless my next article will be all about that, as will my next video. I recently talked to some people about altered states of consciousness and hypnosis, so that will definitely be next up.

For right now, I'll say that I don't even know why I waited so long to get someone else to help me with this. It worked. Not to mention, I had him throw in some suggestion for confidence, and it worked the same way with the bull's eye.

` The chronic pain over most of my body, especially my back, is now gone. My arms and wrists and hands are somewhat sore from using trekking poles. The right side of my body still aches from doing squats.

` As for my neck, it is becoming more neck-like, with better air passage in my throat, and indeed as we see over the course of my videos, my voice becomes deeper. A lot deeper. For a while my voice was cracking uncontrollably, but not so much now.

I still have to tilt my head to the right so that my eyes are able to track properly, but even that is not as important now. In fact, it isn't the only cause of my eye strain: I went to an optometrist and found that my left eye is slightly off.

` I have yet to actually purchase the glasses; they are the lightest frames because my neck could not tolerate the pain and weight of glasses on my face. Now it doesn't hurt the way it did before the hypnotherapy session, only a small bit. After I get the glasses, my eyes should feel a lot better as well. Hooray for even more pain relief!

I will delve into the actual technicalities of how hypnosis works, and my many hypno-adventures, in the future!

As for my podcast, I named this blog Skeptophany after it. The irony is, I spent years recording interviews for it, during a time in my life in which I was barely hanging on for survival, in a lot of pain, and not much able to get the production work done. Then, in April 2016, most of what I recorded became inaccessible when my laptop broke in April 2016.

` I had two external hard drives, but the one that I was using for my newest stuff (because it hadn't filled up) had a partition that prevented non-Linux computers from accessing my podcast and video files.

` After several attempts to remedy the problem, including attempting to repair the laptop twice (but the replacement part was "DOA" both times), I finally decided to spend the $200 to transfer the data. Yes, this took me 18 months of failing to solve this problem!

` Something like a week passed in trying to get this partitioned data from the wrong drive, which freaked me out because you can't. But then I realized my mistake, I transferred everything that was on my broken laptop as well, and bought a new external hard drive! And it was all at a discount! So, what better result could I have hoped for?

Yes, I can continue making my podcast! I am just so... backlogged at the moment.

As for my own productivity, I have not been doing the things I perceive that I really need to do, but at least I've been getting some things out of the way, such as finishing a book I've been borrowing for several months. (It's been difficult to read because pain.)

` I was also slowed down for a while by a couple of illnesses, but some amoxicillin helped with that. Many things have drained my energy, including spending a lot of time improving myself. I cannot believe the emotions I am capable of feeling after healing from an impostor's betrayal.

The only thing vexing me this whole time is that the person who introduced me to hypnosis, physical therapy, and much else, has blocked me on Facebook and in real life. Why, I can't say, but it was somehow a result of my last communication with him, which was text-based. I showed it to a few people, but they are just as puzzled as I am as to why anyone would respond this way.

` It's good to know it isn't just me. I expect this, too, to somehow resolve itself.

These are just some of the dramas that have been playing out in my life since my last post. Right now, I am in serious need of some sleep.

Transcript of 'Another Kind of Mental Development, Discovering my Extreme Physical Condition, and Making Videos!'

It is amazing to think that for most of my life, such a science-minded person as myself had no idea that I was living with serious chronic pain, etc. One of the points I want to drive home on this channel is that there is a difference between intelligence and awareness of what one is experiencing every moment. It is from here that we can cultivate other aspects of our minds.
` I also spend some time describing what's been going on in the video-making front. You can watch, or read the transcript below:


(By the way, I apologize for the background noise from the refrigerator and such. I can't even understand what I'm saying in the video when played on the giant speakers in that same room, because then the background noise has doubled! I will be sure to use a better microphone in the future. If you're having any difficulty, this should help:)

Opening: A few seconds of partial eclipse through solar goggles. "There we go!"

Shot of a table in front of a brown leather-ish couch, at night, with myself wearing navy blue shirt, and open laptop on the table. I'm doing well to keep my balance, leaning with my right arm against a small suitcase next to me.
` The grip from one of my trekking poles is visible over the back of the couch. Alas, I don't speak very loudly against the background noise for these few seconds:

"Tis allegedly I, Spoony! I have good news and bad news. The good news is, I'm making more videos. The bad news is, when editing this video, I discovered that YouTube video editor is going away on September 20th, so I have until then to edit all my video clips. I don't think it's gonna happen."

Close-up of owl, moving its head side-to-side, crows can be heard in the background.

New Video on Developing Awareness and Bizarre Self-Discovery!

Developing one's conscious awareness is a different element from intellect, but both are essential for self-awareness. Case in point: I my scientific and critical understanding of the world have developed long before I was aware that I was limping around in constant pain.
` It's a long story, which I discussed at length in my last post.
` Not surprisingly, that's part of why making videos seems so difficult, which I also describe. But I have been hard at work, and show a few bits of various video clips I intend for future videos.

I haven't quite completed the transcript, but that's coming next. It has a long enough title, though, which you can click to watch:
Another Kind of Mental Development, Discovering my Extreme Physical Condition, and Making Videos!
And here's a high-resolution image of the title card I made for it:

...And this Cretaceous dinosaur and plant life have what to do with this video?

There are several interesting things in this video, including a view from a helicopter, a cute owl, the eclipse, etc, however, the dromaeosaur is a lie! I simply like drawing them, especially in margins.

This title card had a lot of blank space, so... why not? I've never done a color gel pen dromaeosaur! The scanner didn't get the colors right, though. I couldn't get enough light to take a clear photo, either.

I'll have to take a photo when the sun is out, as it is raining today, to my great astonishment. If you can call it that. It hasn't 'rained' since June 17, so I'm not complaining. Neither are the plants.

Fighting For Self-Awareness And Autonomy - A Good Chunk of My Story

September 2010. I made it, but Violet did not.

What motivates me to want to speak about inner space and the mind's deepest realms? What has made me want to explore those places? Why are they important to me? Why do I try so hard? Because, so many people have tried to stop me.

` Though I was indeed just making videos to race the deadline, something came up, and I needed to write a bunch of stuff, which I have been since that last post. Part of it concerns some things I want to discuss on my YouTube channel anyway, so I thought this would be an ideal place to share it.

I have already talked about the 2003 "Gaslighting Extravaganza" on my YouTube channel. This was an incident where I was drugged, tortured, sexually assaulted, locked up, and then my mom, boyfriend and some other people threatened me if I called the police. I developed numbness in various parts of my body (called "conversion disorder" or "functional neurological symptom disorder") after months of this abuse from authority figures and supposed loved ones. I did call the police this year finally.

When I went to my first skeptic's conference (The Amazing Meeting) in 2012, I did not know that I was seriously physically handicapped and in chronic pain. I had been injured many times in my life, especially a disfiguring foot injury when I was 14, which I was actually punished for having and my mom and dad both made it worse, and then punished me for it being worse.

` They didn't want me to get better, they just wanted me to stop complaining about it. They refused to take me to a doctor for almost any reason, ever, and told me to never tell a doctor about these things because it was "inappropriate" or "in the past".

` At age 7 or 8 I was so stressed out that I started to constantly scrunch up my abdominal muscles until it became constant. Later adding the foot injury caused me to put all my weight on my abdomen instead of my back, so that I was squishing all my guts up into my chest cavity, and it hurt constantly.
` It was hard to eat anything, and I was often vomiting and burping and rubbing my abdomen, which I was also punished and made fun of for. I routinely got in trouble for having trouble eating and for things I did because of low blood sugar (not to mention, sleep deprivation). My stomach was partly herniated at the top, causing reflux. I also had a lot of reflux from my upper intestines into my stomach.
` I still do a little, actually, and I must use conscious effort to keep my abdomen abdomen-shaped and my neck neck-shaped. I hold my head tilted to the right because that's the only way to compensate for my neck and eye muscles becoming asymmetrical from tilting my head to the left for most of my life. But I'm getting ahead of myself:

Almost done with next video, but I'm going to have to re-upload the rest of my clips...

As you can see, I've been hard at work (yes, even in the early morning) uploading more video clips to YouTube, with 447 at the moment.
` I've almost got my most recent video edited, from clips I've uploaded to YouTube.
` Only problem is, I won't be able to combine these clips anymore after September 20th, because YouTube video editor is simply being removed from YouTube on that date.

Yes, really.

If I'd have known that, I would have taken a different strategy to making videos. But I didn't learn of it at all until I actually clicked on YouTube video editor for the first time since January.
` I should have plenty of time to edit this video, assuming I've figured out how to overcome the problems I've been having with the editor by copying my clips over again and trying again. (You can see that by looking at the titles.)

I also must confess that during this incredibly hot summer (without air conditioning, mind you), I've had a number of physical and emotional obstacles to overcome. It's especially tiring to hold myself upright in front of the computer. I'm doing better and better at that every day.
` The better I can hold myself upright, using a trekking pole or otherwise, the more emotionally strong and independent I can feel. It's having a profound effect on my personality.
` It is helping me to process the emotions that my body has been carrying around in it since I was injured traumatically and how supposed loved ones terrorized, dehumanized and demonized me for the swelling, inability to walk for several weeks, and developing permanent physical disabilities and living in constant pain for most of my life.

Apparently, I'm just a terrible, terrible person for being able to feel physical and emotional pain.

` I have more to say about that in my next video, which I am soon to get back to working on again today.
` I didn't do much work on it two days ago because I went to the Theo chocolate factory and got to go on their tour, and actually into the floor of their factory and the kitchen area! There were cacao nibs from the Congo which tasted like cheese, nibs from Peru that I thought tasted more like beer, a chocolate dodecahedron, and lots of confectiony goodness. I didn't see any oompa-loompas, but I did get a short video of an actual cacao tree's blossoms sprouting off the trunk. Very rare in a young tree growing in a windowless room!
` Afterwards, I got some amusing video under a certain bridge, although let's just say it's much more amusing to me than it would be to most people.

As for the second part of my amazing psychedelic article, which I had already done most of the work on before publishing Part 1... I haven't even worked on it at all since then. Sure, it's mostly-finished. How did I manage to not get back to it? I suppose that's a long story and I won't bore you with the details. But I intend to pick it back up soon.

Right after I've written a very important email, or at least started on it. It's of profound importance, but I won't be able to reveal its importance until later.

At this moment, I must get dressed, get in the car, go get some pizza and buy some other important items, such as a shower curtain to replace the one I accidentally destroyed yesterday. It's a long story. I will have more for you all very soon!

I have 307 "videos", mostly short clips so far....

Most of them are only a few seconds long, but I thought I would take a screen capture to show you how many video clips I have been uploading lately, for your later viewing.

Notice that the latest ones feature the plants I've been tending, as well as Matt clearing some more space along the side of the house to make room for more of them!
` As I planted even more succulents yesterday, I recorded glimpses of the Blue Angel jets screeching and roaring overhead.

Yes, I'm back at it again. I was doing well not to spend much time with the crassulaceids. There's not much weeding to do because there has been no rain for over a month, and barely any for a month before that.
` I water them a bit, but perhaps not enough, as two of the species have died off!

Yesterday, I have replaced one of the species, and have gotten even more types of crassulaceid. Oh, the plants!
` Other than that, I've been letting my computer's CPUs be dedicated to uploading videos, but I'll take a little break from that to get back to my writing and all.

I haven't been spending much time writing, so I've been spending time reading a book that I'm borrowing. About psychedelics, of course.
` Later on, after I get back from viewing the beach at sunset, I plan to get back to finishing what I've started in writing. Just before bed, I plan to clear some more space from my hard drive, and upload even more video clips while I'm asleep.

Actual "Things People Say" About Psychedelics #2

Wow, this is unexpected. I no longer feel weighed down by a sense of guilt, that I don't deserve to be able to do things such as write blog posts. (Re: My last li'l post.) That conveniently makes this easier. As does having gotten this laptop running much faster.
` In fact, I'm uploading more video clips onto YouTube right now as I'm typing this, and it's running perfectly fine. So yes, everything is moving ahead now! In fact, I lied last time, I have been writing my next video, but not much in the way of blog posts.

In celebration, here's the next post in the queue, which is of course on psychedelics, a subject I've begun to write about in great detail. (See High-Powered Tools of Inner Exploration and Neuroscience.)
` For the first "Things People Say", go here. This one's shorter and sort of follows the other, except instead of abject terror of psychedelics, there is more of a fearful willingness to accept that perhaps they would be beneficial. But it's still a bit odd. I promise to have more interesting/amusing ones for next time.

Feeling so free...

I am writing this from my phone, but will be back to writing about mental navigation, psychedelics and strange stories soon, and making videos. My thumbs don't even have the energy to write about the adventures I have been on when I am not flattened by the heat. Mostly they have involved food, intense therapy, and even encounters with owl families.
I am having slight technical difficulties with the laptop that I have been borrowing for over a year. I can easily fix it but have been way too hot. If I had air conditioning, things might be different.
To confess, I have written zero since last time. At all. Holding myself upright is challenging, moreso when it's 86 and the sun has been beating down relentlessly for months.
Today I spent some amount of time clothes shopping because some of my new clothes have already failed. As much as I am often tempted to walk around without any clothing in this weather, I am compelled to buy more.
I have many, even more bizarre sedum and ice plant photos, but not on my phone. I just tried to view them on the laptop but had slight problems.
I have not, however, been gardening much, other than keeping the plants from withering away and pulling off dead sedum flowers. I have been doing small amounts of piano and even teaching Spanish to Matt.
I have retreated from the internet and world in general, partly to find myself. As I heal physiologically, i also work through the emotional trauma related to the physical trauma. Currently it has involved letting go of the guilt I have been carrying around that I don't deserve to live or be free of pain or to be healthy or even be able to see.
It had to do with my mother emotionally rejecting me. It hurt to learn last year that she was so traumatized by what happened back in 1995, which left me physically disabled and in chronic pain, that she had forgotten it had happened at all and had no idea how my body had gotten messed up.
She then blamed me for thinking this was a big deal, and has recently warned me that this means I could be losing my mind.
So, who cares what she thinks?
This is why I continue to cut emotional ties from her. A few days ago, I was able to process a lot of those emotions of unworthiness. I feel that I care about myself. My entire body no longer tingles and prickles as it used to. It is my own, it does not exist for anyone else's gratification. I no longer even seem to remind myself of my mom, nor do I feel rejection towards myself.

I am feeling the best I have felt in my life, especially now with almost all of the pain gone. I walk with one walking stick around the house, two outdoors. It feels good to be able to hold myself up. Feeling that I am going to fall puts entirely different thoughts in my head than when I can use my own muscles to keep my balance.

Who am I? What am I? Human? Sometimes I feel superhuman. At least during bursts of energy.

I had better get to bed so that I can wake up and get back to it...

posted from Bloggeroid

The Sedum (and Ice Plant) Madness Grows More Colorful!

When I first posted photos of the succulents, the buds were just starting to open. Now that most of them are in full bloom, I find they are much more photogenic. Just for fun, I thought I'd make another post showing the same plants as before, and in the same order so you can compare these photos with the ones from last time.

Now that I've posted my Big Article, High-Powered Tools of Inner Exploration and Neuroscience, and more, I feel the need to demonstrate how the Sedum Madness has been progressing. Previously, there were only nine species of Sedum, four of ice plants, and one Sempervivum (hen-and-chicks).
` Now I have 21 types of Sedum, nine types of ice plants, two Sempervivum and one Escheveria. And I'm finally good at 26 stepping stones. There is still also fuzzy lamb's ear, but I have brutally killed all other non-crass(ulacid) plants for not meeting my standards of attractiveness.
` I've have not been spending much time gardening this month, but it's already too late -- they're taking over the entire front retaining wall! For example, the first ice plant to bloom was this red one. Let's see how it looked when I got back from our little road trip to Montana:

Some of the flowers were already dead, with new ones on the way.

The original photo of this was looking up the side of the slope, but I had to take this photo from above because a canopy of sedum flowers were completely obscuring them from the sidewalk.
` So, as a bonus "extra photo", I took another from the same angle as the original photo, except it is of a sedum off to the right of the ice plant. The same species is prominent in both the original first and second photos, so it seems fitting to include it, especially during the time it was flowering:

Actual Things People Say About Psychedelics #1

On February 26 I mentioned that "I've started three good-sized blog posts". After a prolonged dive out of and back into good health (and a road trip to Montana), I published one of them as High-Powered Tools of Inner Exploration and Neuroscience. It's a science-based article about a particularly stunning and unusual class of mind-altering substances and how they benefit people psychologically and neurologically.

` Though this certainly wasn't taught in the psychology classes I went to, and hasn't been since The War On Drugs came into effect, psychedelics are known therapeutic agents and more. I extensively described much of their effects on sense perception and expansion/alteration of conscious awareness, and you can read it right here.

The other two posts (from Feb 21) are "Things People Say" About Psychedelics, which I didn't dare publish until I had at least one well-referenced article on this blog. It's the first, perhaps in a long-running series because I have even more of these, from many different people.
` Discussing this in skeptic/atheist circles, I find a wide range of reactions to this chemical class of substances, and this mostly has to do with the degree of people's overall familiarity with them.
` For example, some tell me how they have used psychedelics for better self-understanding and self-control. Some others say they would assume that psychedelics hinder these things. It's important to me that we're no longer so divided in our knowledge on this. (It's not the only topic, but it is a good starting point.)

I'm going to focus on some objections and questions, which I have answered, and then cut and pasted them here. I'll start with a common sort of challenge:

Onto Part 2 soon, but first, the power of suggestion strikes again, and other stuff...

With the power of suggestion, the previously-persistent pain for years in my right index finger, above the first joint, has disappeared completely. This happened in one instant, when I was concentrating on doing just that. And it worked. My finger felt normal except perhaps a bit of nerve damage, but no pain from it.
` For two days it was completely pain-free. Then, I hit the very tip of that finger really hard, and there is a little pain from that now. It's been a good test of how well the suggestion worked, because the rest of the pain has not returned.
` Currently, it feels as though my index finger simply stops after the first knuckle and has been replaced by a prosthetic. The pain from the bruise seems to have migrated to my other fingers, if that makes sense. I have no idea what this means, but I take it as a good sign.

Oh yes, and I went to Montana last month for a few days. I got some video for YouTube, but the only non-blurry photos I got were on my phone. After I returned, I took more photos of the mind-consuming sedums, including these just starting to explode into yellow flowers:

I will also be putting together more videos, about self-suggestion, psychedelics, navigating your mind, as well as other projects. I've been doing slightly more and more all the time, and those are definitely on my short-term to-do list.
` Part 2 of "High Powered Tools of Inner Exploration and Neuroscience" will be up soon, but first, I have several draft posts that I haven't published yet. Some are ones about psychedelics which I have been waiting to publish until after getting something else done first. Some are also from last year, including CSI Con 2016.
` I also have more multi-color sedum photos, since I have more kinds than before, and they're almost all flowering. Not to mention all the vividly-blossoming ice plants! As for why I haven't gotten on this earlier, I have been having more trouble than usual staying awake and holding my body in a vertical position.

Part of the deal has been coming back from Montana, exhausted, to summer heat and no air conditioning. Even Matt has had difficulty staying awake and non-lethargic, and has become more exhausted than usual after working out at the gym.
` The other is, seemingly paradoxical, because of physical improvement: My center of balance is continuing to shift farther to center, thanks to the trekking poles. My right side is still too weak to support me as I prop myself up on the couch. I put a small suitcase next to me so I can lean on my right hand.
` The only way I can prevent myself from falling forward is to put my right knee against the table and/or suitcase. Then, to type, I rest my right elbow on my knee and put my left elbow on the table. And, I don't wear pants (as in trousers) because of how they can squeeze my torso. Yeah, baby.
` At last, I am starting to feel like I can do this again for more than two minutes at a time, especially during the evenings. Which is what I'm doing now, after having slept a lot of today, which has actually been a goal since I can only seem to sleep for five hours at one time.

With enough sleep, I actually am feeling more like a human being. It's amazing. I'd better get to bed already, though, since I have much blogging and video editing yet to do, including video of me at the piano without pants! It's sexy.

High-Powered Tools of Inner Exploration and Neuroscience, Part 1 of 2: The Basics

Matt and I were seated front and side at an overflowing event at the University of Washington; a researcher talking about a truly extraordinary piece of technology: Imagine if you had a device that could allow you to turn down your mental chatter and just allow yourself to experience the world more clearly in some ways.
` Your everyday assumptions could become visible. You would notice details about yourself and the world around you that you never noticed before. You'd find that you can see beyond your ordinary habitual, repetitive thoughts and emotions. It is possible for perception to expand so far beyond ordinary consciousness that dissolving and rearranging one's conceptual boundaries is universally accepted as among the most meaningful events in one's life.

This was a very large room, yet not enough chairs for everyone!

` Your own mind becomes seemingly transparent, and closing your eyes reveals an inner world of thoughts and impressive-looking computer graphics in real-time. These graphics can be scenes or simulations that you create for your own use. They also could be something else entirely, such as four-dimensional fractal geometry.
` Which you can see, because you're not viewing it with your eyes, you're experiencing it in your mind. It is like 'turning on' a whole new set of senses, as though you were using cybernetic implants to explore a virtual world. Concentrating on this inner reality, and turning up the intensity of the device allows one to sit back and have the most otherworldly experiences that seem to defy time and space.

As something of this magnitude should be, this device's importance from neurology to psychotherapy is compared to the telescope in astronomy, or the microscope in medicine and biology. Mathematicians, engineers, scientists, artists, musicians, and philosophers begin crediting a number of their achievements through abilities and perception they gained from the use of this 'mind-scope'. Culture changes dramatically and visibly from this tool's influence.

What some of you may not realize is, this "advanced technology" exists today.

If you haven't guessed, these possible states of mind are explored every day, via the use of psychedelic substances. They have been throughout recorded history, and long before.

The researcher speaking that evening was Albert Garcia-Romeu, from Johns-Hopkins University School of Medicine. His subject is the serotonin 2A receptor agonist known as psilocybin (SILL-o-SY-bin), a psychedelic alkaloid found in hundreds of species of mushrooms worldwide.
` In years past, I'd thought that these fungi made people "go crazy", but in general, psychedelic use seems to improve mental health (Johansen and Krebs, 2015) and reduce the risk of suicide (Peter Hendricks 2014).
` As Johansen and Krebs state: "We failed to find evidence that psychedelic use is an independent risk factor for mental health problems. Psychedelics are not known to harm the brain or other body organs or to cause addiction or compulsive use; serious adverse events involving psychedelics are extremely rare. Overall, it is difficult to see how prohibition of psychedelics can be justified as a public health measure."
` I will explain in this article and Part 2 how they can be used to help break addictive habits, from alcoholism to obsessive compulsive disorder. This is part of how they can be used to catalyze remarkably rapid and profound healing, which is the entire subject of Part 2.

So close, yet so far...

If I had one more day, I'd publish this 'Big Post' that I'm keeping "secret" except to the people who I've been telling to go to my blog for the past three months to read it. It's fundamental in understanding how I could recover from being tortured and the entire extravaganza of gaslighting, and how you too can have unbelievably amazing mental powers and perceptions!

I thought I was going to have one more day, but instead I am leaving tomorrow morning. I suppose I would have gotten it done if I hadn't gone to the Skeptic's Meetup, which was about how your gut flora affect your brain.

` It was interesting, and worth it especially because I spoke up about putting on my own presentation, perhaps in August or September. It will be based on my Big Article Parts 1 and 2, and so will a lot of my videos, and comics. It's that Big. I just have to get it finished first, then I can base all the things on it.

I won't be bringing a laptop with me, just because I doubt I could find a way to prop myself up in front of it in such a way that I could type. It's extremely difficult as it is where I am, and I doubt I will have the energy. So, it will be a few days before I can get back to finishing this post.

` It's literally almost done, I just spent the past week figuring out how to make Part 1 work as a piece on its own. I just need to finish a few paragraphs and then proofread it, but I won't get a chance to even resume work until NEXT WEEK!! ARRGH!!!!!

So, I would finish it tomorrow, and I thought I would have until tomorrow, but I don't, so I can't. As interesting as it is to see how long I can keep this up, it's getting to be a bit much. It seems I'd have done it if I didn't run out of energy just trying to keep myself propped up in front of the laptop. It seems to me that if I just had something which held my body in a position where it didn't hurt, I would be considerably more energetic.

` And my podcast, Skeptophany, for which this blog is named, is still out of my ability to access the files. It has been over a year. So as soon as I'm finished with the Big Article, I'm fixing my laptop or something so that I can access my drives that the files are on. Assuming some catastrophe doesn't befall me.

As for the carbon fiber trekking poles, the pain and pressure on the right side of my body was gone after a couple of DAYS! I'm a lot more energetic and move so much more quickly when I'm on a walk. It's helped me to gain control of my body in front of the computer, which has helped me type a lot. It hasn't been enough, but it's been so helpful.

` This evening after getting back from the Meetup, I found that my center of balance is now so close toward the center that I can use both poles! I don't fall over to the left, after about a week of using just the right one. While I'm away, I'll have to experiment with them!

So, if I get back in one piece, this blog and videos are going to continue. If not, I hope you don't forget about me altogether. I have hours more videos, hours of podcast material, and so much more to make. I have so much to say to the world, how long will I have?

` Well, my body can't support me in front of the laptop anymore, I must go to bed. I want to do nothing but write all about this subject, it's one of my life's greatest passions, but I'm going to have to put it on hold. Again. It's really burning in my mind. Driving me up the wall.

My life will change after it is published, much as it did after the Gaslighting Extravaganza video was published. I hope the police decide to investigate.