What may be the most important video I publish...

There is something I have been needing to get off my chest for about 13 years, and it has been really burning at me since I began recording audio for Skeptophany. (Computer is still in the shop, btw.)

All I can say is, I seem to have released so many years of tension by recording it, and my health has improved suddenly. Part of that is also my body being so close to "normal" after years of physical therapy.

My face is even very close to being symmetrical! I have repeatedly attempted to attach two photos representing this to the Blogger app. That hasn't worked, so if there are photos, that means the app I have replaced it with, Bloggeroid has shown its superiority once more!)





My feet are also better at footing, by the way, after at least a year of work on the toes. There is also more room in my body cavity, it is easier to breathe, speak, and get food down.

The contents of the video mainly concerns my recounting of events that happened for 12 days, very intense horror movie-grade institutional abuse. I never got into it on the podcast, and it hasn't properly had a chance to be published.

It is one of the main reasons I discovered that suggestion and other inner processes, when used therapeutically, can reverse intense effects of trauma, like conversion disorder, and other perceptions.

I have had difficulty uploading this before, but it is making progress on the laptop I am borrowing. (Have been typing this over and over on my phone, hence I downloaded Bloggeroid to actually publish it.)

It is a long video, and I will make it significantly shorter because editing. I had long considered editing it before uploading it, but decided to tough it out. I will have it figured out one of these days.

The mental/bodily tension that I released by recording this video seems to be "in limbo" until it is published.
It has been uploading for days, I had been hoping it might be up in time for Calendar Flip day, but no biggie. The best things are worth waiting to upload. I have not actually watched it yet, but don't think I will have to shoot any additional video.

Just looking forward to moving forward after this video is finished. It has been consuming my mind since last video, and fight it as I might, as soon as things slowed down this month, I could think of nothing else.

I have been reluctant, thinking of this as selfish, but have needed to do this for years after being told for so long to forget it and pretend like it never happened. I can't let them win. There is something to be learned from self-erasure and almost losing your memory and sense of who you were.

posted from Bloggeroid

I admit, I've been fighting it, but...

Now that I haven't been insanely busy and fatigued, I have had time to figure out what has been stopping me, regarding my blog/video productivity. My next video will be somewhat different than the one I originally envisioned in October. I am quite enthusiastic about its release. Let's just say that my health may improve just by publishing it.

There are yet more posts and videos, whenever I am stronger

On this blog, I will type a few sentences and then save as draft. I almost never seem to be able to have the energy to finish because I spend what little energy I have on other things. This blog has been full of drafts since the beginning, it's not as empty as it seems.

I want so badly to be able to hold myself in position long enough to type a paragraph. Using my phone to do this, I have been deprived of sleep way too long, but my laptop is in the shop finally, so I hope it gets working again soon!
I would try editing videos today, or shoot videos, but need to take a day off to rest. I am so exhausted by weeks of no sleep from excessive work. Many days I wake up, leave the house, come back, have dinner, and go right back to sleep.

In reference to my last blog post, which is a draft so you cant read it yet, I am probably not even going to my gym as much as Lindy West is.

So, this is one of those mobile phone posts to tell you that I am still here and have not forgotten about this,blog,or my videos!

More videos coming...

I've been really exhausted and under the weather lately, but I have been uploading more video clips, for my third and fourth videos! (Now up to 50!)

My next video will be the one about why I purport to feel sorry for most people, you know, because I'm sick of people feeling sorry for me. I am still planning to make a video called "There is No Spoony", perhaps the one after that. Although something tells me I'll stop to make a CSI Con video first...

I am too exhausted to keep my body in position long enough to write down what's been going on, or why I've been exhausted all month (mostly has to do with getting a sinus infection, which is unusual nowadays, but even weirder than that). So, I will keep you updated after my return from, hopefully, chatting up some speakers, Dawkins included, I hope!

Assuming I don't catch the Con Crud, I'll be taking down some walls in this blog and erecting some videos as well!

Transcript of my second YouTube video, where I introduce myself, my podcast, and show an Underwater "UFO"!

In this video, I overcome some of the shame inhibiting a proper introduction of myself, in a most unconventional way! Though I mention being disabled, I show that I have some interesting (and unconventional) abilities as well!
` I talk about the challenges I've been facing all my life, as well as what my podcast is all about, and what's been going on with it all this time! Plus, there's many fun/important annotations! (And, if your device does not display this text, they are included in the transcript below!)
` Finally, I show the underwater "UFOs" glowing beneath the surface of Puget Sound! Don't believe me? Well... HERE'S UNDENIABLE VIDEO PROOF!!!!1!

Shame and Disabilities, Skeptophany blog/podcast, and Underwater "UFO" video!

In this post, I've included a transcript of the whole video, meant to be helpful to people whose vision/hearing is impaired. Or aren't seeing the annotations. In any case, there's a little bit of 'bonus material' embedded in there for anyone who wants to peek a bit farther into the depths.
` In a blurb below this video on YouTube (in what they call the "doobly-doo"), I mention just how long it took me to master its basic, web-based editing software.

Though I had uploaded this video on September 26 and made a rough edit by the 28th, it took several days to figure out the limitations of YouTube Video Editor, and then completely re-edit the entire video three times (yes, even the annotations).
Also in that duration, I've spent a lot of time attuning my mind for pain control, and it's working better than I thought it would! Hooray for pain/mind control! Yeees, mind control!
And the better I can control YouTube, the more minds I can control, mua ha ha ha ha haaaaaaaaaaa!

Without further ado, here's the transcript (just below the page break, a.k.a. the "thingy-thing"):

Give me a little more time...

I have several posts on this blog, but am feeling inhibited about publishing them just now. However, I've been working on breaking down those inhibitions. Not only that, but I've been working on getting better "UFO" videos. Here's undeniable proof of both!

Well, I guess it won't embed, so here's the link to my second YouTube video!

OMG RUN FOR THE HILLS! THE ALIEN TAKEOVER!!!1!

Skepto-what? And What's Wrong with 'Mad Science Writer'?

My mind, life, views, body, and abilities, have changed drastically since I was finishing up college and starting my last blog, Mad Science Writer, over four years ago. That blog was meant to be dense with posts full of sources and critical analysis, but I never felt that I could adequately get the job done because my life was a mess. I didn't understand why, then, but gradually learning why has unlocked universes for me, in more ways than one.

As I found, things were not so serene as they looked on the surface...

One goal for this blog is to write more the way that I think, which is extremely challenging to do with language. One of the most important concepts I've learned in life is denominalization. The 'things' we talk about are actually processes, and endowing processes with 'thingness' affects how we think about them. In everyday terms, you might think of solid objects like bookshelves or fossils as 'things', because their rate of change is very slow.
Yet, relationships are not 'things' in the everyday sense, in that you cannot put one in a wheelbarrow. It is safe to say that 'a relationship' consists of behaviors, thoughts, and emotions. Relating is an action that you do rather than an object that you have.

Because nominalizing distorts how we think about the world, it affects one's ability to think critically and make rational decisions, and even limits one's ability to experience life. So, I've completely changed how I think over the years in order to accommodate this mode of thought, the utility of which should become apparent.
Along this vein, I have taken all the labels off myself, and thus all humans. I literally do not see people as citizens, sports fans, lawyers, Christians, atheists, republicans, parents, clerks, professors, etc. They are human beings.
I used to think this was impossible and thus a laughable prospect, simply because I could not make it work in my head. But now, with all that I've been through, I think of myself as 'just human', a large-brained, largely-hairless female primate, who isn't in bad shape, considering.

Since this is how I think, I therefore cannot think of myself as the "Mad Science Writer", whether or not I'm writing about science, and whether or not I've actually gone mad.

Back in January 2012, I began that blog as I was finishing up college, and looking forward to catching up on all the cool science I had been neglecting to learn about. After a lifetime of emotional trauma, I was still dealing with trauma-induced numbness (commonly called "conversion disorder" <-nominalization).
I was looking forward to living free of dysfunctional roommates (<-label), eventually replacing them with medicinal cannabis plants.
I could have used the plants more than I actually did, had I known that my body was as grossly deformed and disabled as it actually was, nor that the sometimes-overwhelming pain was anything more than a constant annoyance. I was not able to hide these problems from others, so they made fun of me, and I thought of it more as an embarrassment than anything.

After over a decade of going to abusive 'therapists' (<-label), I was seeing a psychologist (<-label), with a Ph.D. in 'treating PTSD', and who co-wrote a book on this subject. He agreed that everything I told him was consistent with PTSD (<-nominalization), and that the 'therapists' who told me otherwise were claiming I had other issues just to control me.
Trying to make someone think they're losing their mind is called gaslighting, and it's an important concept I'll be talking about on this outlet. This psychologist had observed some of my former therapists and said that indeed they are like sharks, attacking in a frenzy when there's blood in the water. He agreed that they should not even be around people who are so vulnerable.

Then I told this supposedly learned psychologist about the abuse I was still going through, and not just with the remaining roommates. The second man who wanted to marry me (whom I refer to as X) had some pretty severe gaslighting episodes that affected my life, and had even almost killed me.
Some of these incidents (which I've blogged about) include trying to convince me that "there's no gas leak" and "you're not drowning" when the opposite was true. When I say 'almost killed me', it's no joke. And what he did to the cat, Violet, that's just inhuman. She was the best cat ever, no animal deserves the months of pain and suffering she went through, and it's taken me a long time to forgive myself for not stopping him and believing him sometimes when he said "she's getting better".

Yet, the psychologist seemed to think that I would be best off coping and finding better ways of living with this dangerous maniac and other people I shouldn't be around. So, he had a Ph.D. in helping traumatized people, and instead of empowering me, he enabled the abusers! How?