To be unexpectedly honest, my own gender identity has seemed unclear for most of my life until about ten days ago. This is the first time I can remember that I have ever definitely felt that I was female, and just typing that sentence feels amazing. All my life I've been learning about gender and wondering why it is that I never could find that sense within myself, and now that I sense it, it seems quite different than I had expected.
` There are many reasons why this should not surprise anyone: Part of this is due to nature -- my more masculine brain development due to Asperger's -- but probably most of it is because of the way I was treated for most of my life. To start with, I was raised as a subhuman, as though my mind nor health were not valid considerations, yet acting "like a girl" and pretending that nothing's wrong was vital to existence.
` My dad told me that women are property, and that I would grow up to be a drug-addicted whore. Both my parents said that the tortuously agonizing symptoms of the potentially lethal chronic infection in my uterus were normal, that I was faking my fever and inability to move for days, that I'd have to endure this until middle age, and would be punished if I told a doctor. (When I did tell a doctor, at age 20, he refused to acknowledge my symptoms, and injured my genitals, which hurt so badly I couldn't sit right for years.)
` On top of that, the injuries I sustained in childhood which I was not permitted to see a doctor about gradually twisted my body and caused my lower back and glutes to atrophy. Some of the pain and disabilities this caused were interpreted as me "being bad", or "unladylike", and others were considered a part of "being female" because women are so weak that they're severely disabled, right?
I really, really didn't want to live as what I was told was 'female', and felt ashamed of being one: How could women be so stupid as to accept this as a desirable fate?
` Throughout my life, my sense of gender has been ground into oblivion due to brutal physical, sexual, medical, and emotional abuse and torture. I have been focusing on and pursuing my sense of humanity, but it was only recently that I discovered a sense of gender within me as well.
` This has happened as I've been recovering from a neurologically and physiologically rough time -- more on that in another post -- and I am more determined than ever to pursue writing, science, art, music, and everything that makes me more me-like. In so doing, I have written a sizeable chunk of text which is perfect for copying and pasting here.
` It is actually a comment I left for a YouTube video by user Black Pigeon Speaks, who condescendingly argues that the psychological and medical community in general is just plain wrong about the existence of gender, and that the real solution for transgender people is to give them antipsychotics.
` Never mind that locking up transgender individuals and giving them antipsychotics against their will used to be the norm, and still happens in some parts of the world, despite the fact that it doesn't work and is extremely psychologically damaging.
I don't normally watch such videos, and likely because of that I don't normally leave blog post-sized comments, but... I was compelled to make an exception. I've met/known a lot of transgender people in my life and have found that they are just normal people who want to be accepted as who they are.
` Since Black Pigeon gave the impression that people who oppose his views are ignorant of science and blinded by self-righteousness, I left a thoughtful and science-based comment that is certainly good enough to cut and paste here, with a small amount of editing, and some added stuff [in brackets], so here goes...
` There are many reasons why this should not surprise anyone: Part of this is due to nature -- my more masculine brain development due to Asperger's -- but probably most of it is because of the way I was treated for most of my life. To start with, I was raised as a subhuman, as though my mind nor health were not valid considerations, yet acting "like a girl" and pretending that nothing's wrong was vital to existence.
` My dad told me that women are property, and that I would grow up to be a drug-addicted whore. Both my parents said that the tortuously agonizing symptoms of the potentially lethal chronic infection in my uterus were normal, that I was faking my fever and inability to move for days, that I'd have to endure this until middle age, and would be punished if I told a doctor. (When I did tell a doctor, at age 20, he refused to acknowledge my symptoms, and injured my genitals, which hurt so badly I couldn't sit right for years.)
` On top of that, the injuries I sustained in childhood which I was not permitted to see a doctor about gradually twisted my body and caused my lower back and glutes to atrophy. Some of the pain and disabilities this caused were interpreted as me "being bad", or "unladylike", and others were considered a part of "being female" because women are so weak that they're severely disabled, right?
I really, really didn't want to live as what I was told was 'female', and felt ashamed of being one: How could women be so stupid as to accept this as a desirable fate?
` Throughout my life, my sense of gender has been ground into oblivion due to brutal physical, sexual, medical, and emotional abuse and torture. I have been focusing on and pursuing my sense of humanity, but it was only recently that I discovered a sense of gender within me as well.
` This has happened as I've been recovering from a neurologically and physiologically rough time -- more on that in another post -- and I am more determined than ever to pursue writing, science, art, music, and everything that makes me more me-like. In so doing, I have written a sizeable chunk of text which is perfect for copying and pasting here.
` It is actually a comment I left for a YouTube video by user Black Pigeon Speaks, who condescendingly argues that the psychological and medical community in general is just plain wrong about the existence of gender, and that the real solution for transgender people is to give them antipsychotics.
` Never mind that locking up transgender individuals and giving them antipsychotics against their will used to be the norm, and still happens in some parts of the world, despite the fact that it doesn't work and is extremely psychologically damaging.
I don't normally watch such videos, and likely because of that I don't normally leave blog post-sized comments, but... I was compelled to make an exception. I've met/known a lot of transgender people in my life and have found that they are just normal people who want to be accepted as who they are.
` Since Black Pigeon gave the impression that people who oppose his views are ignorant of science and blinded by self-righteousness, I left a thoughtful and science-based comment that is certainly good enough to cut and paste here, with a small amount of editing, and some added stuff [in brackets], so here goes...
