Skepto-what? And What's Wrong with 'Mad Science Writer'?

My mind, life, views, body, and abilities, have changed drastically since I was finishing up college and starting my last blog, Mad Science Writer, over four years ago. That blog was meant to be dense with posts full of sources and critical analysis, but I never felt that I could adequately get the job done because my life was a mess. I didn't understand why, then, but gradually learning why has unlocked universes for me, in more ways than one.

As I found, things were not so serene as they looked on the surface...

One goal for this blog is to write more the way that I think, which is extremely challenging to do with language. One of the most important concepts I've learned in life is denominalization. The 'things' we talk about are actually processes, and endowing processes with 'thingness' affects how we think about them. In everyday terms, you might think of solid objects like bookshelves or fossils as 'things', because their rate of change is very slow.
Yet, relationships are not 'things' in the everyday sense, in that you cannot put one in a wheelbarrow. It is safe to say that 'a relationship' consists of behaviors, thoughts, and emotions. Relating is an action that you do rather than an object that you have.

Because nominalizing distorts how we think about the world, it affects one's ability to think critically and make rational decisions, and even limits one's ability to experience life. So, I've completely changed how I think over the years in order to accommodate this mode of thought, the utility of which should become apparent.
Along this vein, I have taken all the labels off myself, and thus all humans. I literally do not see people as citizens, sports fans, lawyers, Christians, atheists, republicans, parents, clerks, professors, etc. They are human beings.
I used to think this was impossible and thus a laughable prospect, simply because I could not make it work in my head. But now, with all that I've been through, I think of myself as 'just human', a large-brained, largely-hairless female primate, who isn't in bad shape, considering.

Since this is how I think, I therefore cannot think of myself as the "Mad Science Writer", whether or not I'm writing about science, and whether or not I've actually gone mad.

Back in January 2012, I began that blog as I was finishing up college, and looking forward to catching up on all the cool science I had been neglecting to learn about. After a lifetime of emotional trauma, I was still dealing with trauma-induced numbness (commonly called "conversion disorder" <-nominalization).
I was looking forward to living free of dysfunctional roommates (<-label), eventually replacing them with medicinal cannabis plants.
I could have used the plants more than I actually did, had I known that my body was as grossly deformed and disabled as it actually was, nor that the sometimes-overwhelming pain was anything more than a constant annoyance. I was not able to hide these problems from others, so they made fun of me, and I thought of it more as an embarrassment than anything.

After over a decade of going to abusive 'therapists' (<-label), I was seeing a psychologist (<-label), with a Ph.D. in 'treating PTSD', and who co-wrote a book on this subject. He agreed that everything I told him was consistent with PTSD (<-nominalization), and that the 'therapists' who told me otherwise were claiming I had other issues just to control me.
Trying to make someone think they're losing their mind is called gaslighting, and it's an important concept I'll be talking about on this outlet. This psychologist had observed some of my former therapists and said that indeed they are like sharks, attacking in a frenzy when there's blood in the water. He agreed that they should not even be around people who are so vulnerable.

Then I told this supposedly learned psychologist about the abuse I was still going through, and not just with the remaining roommates. The second man who wanted to marry me (whom I refer to as X) had some pretty severe gaslighting episodes that affected my life, and had even almost killed me.
Some of these incidents (which I've blogged about) include trying to convince me that "there's no gas leak" and "you're not drowning" when the opposite was true. When I say 'almost killed me', it's no joke. And what he did to the cat, Violet, that's just inhuman. She was the best cat ever, no animal deserves the months of pain and suffering she went through, and it's taken me a long time to forgive myself for not stopping him and believing him sometimes when he said "she's getting better".

Yet, the psychologist seemed to think that I would be best off coping and finding better ways of living with this dangerous maniac and other people I shouldn't be around. So, he had a Ph.D. in helping traumatized people, and instead of empowering me, he enabled the abusers! How?
He would tell me to do things like think about what's happening in the abusive situation and calm down and don't react as best you can for 30 seconds before leaving the room. That's the perfect thing to do before packing up and leaving this place, but he seemed to have skipped that last step.

I don't think I have the diagrams that he drew, only because I thought they were completely worthless and missing the point. If I did, I would post them here.

I couldn't do what he was telling me to do, and felt like I was failing, like all the pressure was on me. We discovered that I could not even imagine feeling safe in a dangerous and very unhealthy environment. Not only was it stressful, but I was expected to pick up mountains of garbage and dirty dishes off the counter every day!

Ironically, his office was in a place where they also did occupational therapy in general, so I was limping and staggering through the room with the exercise machines, to go sit in a position that put so much pressure on my abdomen that my stomach was in knots and I had trouble breathing.
Thus, I would feel the pain, the fear, the dread, the anxiety, and usually feel worse by the end of the session. (Thankfully, I am almost over all these physiological problems after about four years of physical therapy!)

After many months of this nonsense, my psychologist remarked, "I don't know why you're not getting better, most of my PTSD patients don't need to come back for this long."

So, he had a Ph.D. and couldn't tell me what was wrong in my life. Is it any wonder why it wasn't obvious to me?

In July, I went to The Amazing Meeting 2012, and told people about what was going on, including a bunch of people in a group at once. I told them about the gaslighting, and while the psychologist hadn't told me anything, a bunch of people at TAM 2012 said, "You should never let anyone treat you like that."

That was the first time I remember anyone saying anything like that to me, other than maybe one of the crazy roommates, whose opinion I didn't take very seriously.

The day after TAM, I met Dr. Hypno (not an actual doctor, in any jurisdiction but his own). The things he taught me about my own mind went far beyond anything I had learned in college psychology classes or books, or could have ever dreamt of.

This new focus of mine, which has taken me this far, is what this new blog, and the accompanying podcast (which is currently in suspended animation) of the same name, are meant to center around.
I also discovered that I'm dealing with physiological issues, which I used to be punished for, and which have affected my mind and life profoundly for decades. It won't be long before my body is mostly back to normal, not that I can remember what that was like at this point.

The podcast was partly Dr. Hypno's idea, and definitely my passion. I have recorded a lot of material for it over the years, and it has had many titles, including The Cult of Spoony.

I prefer having a unique title, such as Corrigendopedia, and came up with several for a podcast. One was Skeptophony, as a combination of 'skepticism' and 'cacophony'. But then the whole 'phony' part started to get to me, because some people remarked that it looked like 'phoney', and that's the last thing I need. Since the name of the podcast can't really be changed on the recordings, I can easily change the spelling.
After creating a blog called 'Skeptophony', I looked up the word 'cacophony' and somehow came up with a result for 'cacophany'. Thinking I'd made a mistake, I decided to go with 'Skeptophany'. How this happened, I'm not even sure. Then I looked again, and stood corrected, but discovered a number of other options.
I finally settled on adulterating it with the Greek word 'phanos', meaning 'light' or 'lantern', which is close enough for me to 'candle in the dark' or some similar allusion. So now it's Skeptophany, like we're making noise, blazing the inner light, and baseing it on critical thinking. Because I said so.

In conclusion, I'm not going with the title Mad Science Writer because I'm merely a hyper-intelligent ape, not some nominalization. And the word 'nominalization', is a nominalization of nominalizing. In fact the title Skeptophony is also a nominalization, but what about Skeptophany?

On this blog, I'll be posting articles, and link to episodes of my podcast when I can finally get it going. I will also link to videos, comics, and other projects, which I expect to produce in larger and larger numbers as my physiology and neurology improve!