Just testing out my new laptop...

A lot of things have happened since last time. I've gone to the Center for Scientific Inquiry conference, I've had a few ups and downs, and the day before Thanksgiving I had a very traumatic experience, which I am still affected by quite a bit. My priorities in life have changed somewhat, but I still intend to stay present on the Internet.
` I don't have any photos on this computer yet, or anything, I've only just turned it on.

Get this -- I tried the default internet browser, called Edge, which says it is faster than Chrome. I couldn't get my blog post/draft list to appear AT ALL with either of my Blogger accounts. Meaning, I can't access my drafts and finish them! Then I downloaded Chrome, logged into Blogger, and the list just appeared instantly! Hooray for Chrome! I can use this laptop for blogging now!

I would type more, but the metalwork and whatnot that is going on downstairs doesn't seem to be letting up. I don't even expect to be able to take a walk until after the sun goes down. I think I'll go out and pull weeds in order to get some daylight. And yes, some of the sedums and iceplants are still blooming! Photos next time!

Hypnosis reduced my pain even more, and good news about my podcast!

Yes, thanks to a hypnotherapy session over Zoom video chat, the chronic pain I've been living with... is gone. Just gone. There's still some acute pain that comes and goes, but most of it is gone. I just had to visualize myself flying through a bull's eye, and though that sounds cheesy, the pain disappeared when I hit the target. Just gone.

Suggestion. It's a remarkable phenomenon. I forgot how well it works. Doubtless my next article will be all about that, as will my next video. I recently talked to some people about altered states of consciousness and hypnosis, so that will definitely be next up.

For right now, I'll say that I don't even know why I waited so long to get someone else to help me with this. It worked. Not to mention, I had him throw in some suggestion for confidence, and it worked the same way with the bull's eye.

` The chronic pain over most of my body, especially my back, is now gone. My arms and wrists and hands are somewhat sore from using trekking poles. The right side of my body still aches from doing squats.

` As for my neck, it is becoming more neck-like, with better air passage in my throat, and indeed as we see over the course of my videos, my voice becomes deeper. A lot deeper. For a while my voice was cracking uncontrollably, but not so much now.

I still have to tilt my head to the right so that my eyes are able to track properly, but even that is not as important now. In fact, it isn't the only cause of my eye strain: I went to an optometrist and found that my left eye is slightly off.

` I have yet to actually purchase the glasses; they are the lightest frames because my neck could not tolerate the pain and weight of glasses on my face. Now it doesn't hurt the way it did before the hypnotherapy session, only a small bit. After I get the glasses, my eyes should feel a lot better as well. Hooray for even more pain relief!

I will delve into the actual technicalities of how hypnosis works, and my many hypno-adventures, in the future!

As for my podcast, I named this blog Skeptophany after it. The irony is, I spent years recording interviews for it, during a time in my life in which I was barely hanging on for survival, in a lot of pain, and not much able to get the production work done. Then, in April 2016, most of what I recorded became inaccessible when my laptop broke in April 2016.

` I had two external hard drives, but the one that I was using for my newest stuff (because it hadn't filled up) had a partition that prevented non-Linux computers from accessing my podcast and video files.

` After several attempts to remedy the problem, including attempting to repair the laptop twice (but the replacement part was "DOA" both times), I finally decided to spend the $200 to transfer the data. Yes, this took me 18 months of failing to solve this problem!

` Something like a week passed in trying to get this partitioned data from the wrong drive, which freaked me out because you can't. But then I realized my mistake, I transferred everything that was on my broken laptop as well, and bought a new external hard drive! And it was all at a discount! So, what better result could I have hoped for?

Yes, I can continue making my podcast! I am just so... backlogged at the moment.

As for my own productivity, I have not been doing the things I perceive that I really need to do, but at least I've been getting some things out of the way, such as finishing a book I've been borrowing for several months. (It's been difficult to read because pain.)

` I was also slowed down for a while by a couple of illnesses, but some amoxicillin helped with that. Many things have drained my energy, including spending a lot of time improving myself. I cannot believe the emotions I am capable of feeling after healing from an impostor's betrayal.

The only thing vexing me this whole time is that the person who introduced me to hypnosis, physical therapy, and much else, has blocked me on Facebook and in real life. Why, I can't say, but it was somehow a result of my last communication with him, which was text-based. I showed it to a few people, but they are just as puzzled as I am as to why anyone would respond this way.

` It's good to know it isn't just me. I expect this, too, to somehow resolve itself.

These are just some of the dramas that have been playing out in my life since my last post. Right now, I am in serious need of some sleep.

Transcript of 'Another Kind of Mental Development, Discovering my Extreme Physical Condition, and Making Videos!'

It is amazing to think that for most of my life, such a science-minded person as myself had no idea that I was living with serious chronic pain, etc. One of the points I want to drive home on this channel is that there is a difference between intelligence and awareness of what one is experiencing every moment. It is from here that we can cultivate other aspects of our minds.
` I also spend some time describing what's been going on in the video-making front. You can watch, or read the transcript below:


(By the way, I apologize for the background noise from the refrigerator and such. I can't even understand what I'm saying in the video when played on the giant speakers in that same room, because then the background noise has doubled! I will be sure to use a better microphone in the future. If you're having any difficulty, this should help:)

Opening: A few seconds of partial eclipse through solar goggles. "There we go!"

Shot of a table in front of a brown leather-ish couch, at night, with myself wearing navy blue shirt, and open laptop on the table. I'm doing well to keep my balance, leaning with my right arm against a small suitcase next to me.
` The grip from one of my trekking poles is visible over the back of the couch. Alas, I don't speak very loudly against the background noise for these few seconds:

"Tis allegedly I, Spoony! I have good news and bad news. The good news is, I'm making more videos. The bad news is, when editing this video, I discovered that YouTube video editor is going away on September 20th, so I have until then to edit all my video clips. I don't think it's gonna happen."

Close-up of owl, moving its head side-to-side, crows can be heard in the background.

New Video on Developing Awareness and Bizarre Self-Discovery!

Developing one's conscious awareness is a different element from intellect, but both are essential for self-awareness. Case in point: I my scientific and critical understanding of the world have developed long before I was aware that I was limping around in constant pain.
` It's a long story, which I discussed at length in my last post.
` Not surprisingly, that's part of why making videos seems so difficult, which I also describe. But I have been hard at work, and show a few bits of various video clips I intend for future videos.

I haven't quite completed the transcript, but that's coming next. It has a long enough title, though, which you can click to watch:
Another Kind of Mental Development, Discovering my Extreme Physical Condition, and Making Videos!
And here's a high-resolution image of the title card I made for it:

...And this Cretaceous dinosaur and plant life have what to do with this video?

There are several interesting things in this video, including a view from a helicopter, a cute owl, the eclipse, etc, however, the dromaeosaur is a lie! I simply like drawing them, especially in margins.

This title card had a lot of blank space, so... why not? I've never done a color gel pen dromaeosaur! The scanner didn't get the colors right, though. I couldn't get enough light to take a clear photo, either.

I'll have to take a photo when the sun is out, as it is raining today, to my great astonishment. If you can call it that. It hasn't 'rained' since June 17, so I'm not complaining. Neither are the plants.

Fighting For Self-Awareness And Autonomy - A Good Chunk of My Story

September 2010. I made it, but Violet did not.

What motivates me to want to speak about inner space and the mind's deepest realms? What has made me want to explore those places? Why are they important to me? Why do I try so hard? Because, so many people have tried to stop me.

` Though I was indeed just making videos to race the deadline, something came up, and I needed to write a bunch of stuff, which I have been since that last post. Part of it concerns some things I want to discuss on my YouTube channel anyway, so I thought this would be an ideal place to share it.

I have already talked about the 2003 "Gaslighting Extravaganza" on my YouTube channel. This was an incident where I was drugged, tortured, sexually assaulted, locked up, and then my mom, boyfriend and some other people threatened me if I called the police. I developed numbness in various parts of my body (called "conversion disorder" or "functional neurological symptom disorder") after months of this abuse from authority figures and supposed loved ones. I did call the police this year finally.

When I went to my first skeptic's conference (The Amazing Meeting) in 2012, I did not know that I was seriously physically handicapped and in chronic pain. I had been injured many times in my life, especially a disfiguring foot injury when I was 14, which I was actually punished for having and my mom and dad both made it worse, and then punished me for it being worse.

` They didn't want me to get better, they just wanted me to stop complaining about it. They refused to take me to a doctor for almost any reason, ever, and told me to never tell a doctor about these things because it was "inappropriate" or "in the past".

` At age 7 or 8 I was so stressed out that I started to constantly scrunch up my abdominal muscles until it became constant. Later adding the foot injury caused me to put all my weight on my abdomen instead of my back, so that I was squishing all my guts up into my chest cavity, and it hurt constantly.
` It was hard to eat anything, and I was often vomiting and burping and rubbing my abdomen, which I was also punished and made fun of for. I routinely got in trouble for having trouble eating and for things I did because of low blood sugar (not to mention, sleep deprivation). My stomach was partly herniated at the top, causing reflux. I also had a lot of reflux from my upper intestines into my stomach.
` I still do a little, actually, and I must use conscious effort to keep my abdomen abdomen-shaped and my neck neck-shaped. I hold my head tilted to the right because that's the only way to compensate for my neck and eye muscles becoming asymmetrical from tilting my head to the left for most of my life. But I'm getting ahead of myself:

Almost done with next video, but I'm going to have to re-upload the rest of my clips...

As you can see, I've been hard at work (yes, even in the early morning) uploading more video clips to YouTube, with 447 at the moment.
` I've almost got my most recent video edited, from clips I've uploaded to YouTube.
` Only problem is, I won't be able to combine these clips anymore after September 20th, because YouTube video editor is simply being removed from YouTube on that date.

Yes, really.

If I'd have known that, I would have taken a different strategy to making videos. But I didn't learn of it at all until I actually clicked on YouTube video editor for the first time since January.
` I should have plenty of time to edit this video, assuming I've figured out how to overcome the problems I've been having with the editor by copying my clips over again and trying again. (You can see that by looking at the titles.)

I also must confess that during this incredibly hot summer (without air conditioning, mind you), I've had a number of physical and emotional obstacles to overcome. It's especially tiring to hold myself upright in front of the computer. I'm doing better and better at that every day.
` The better I can hold myself upright, using a trekking pole or otherwise, the more emotionally strong and independent I can feel. It's having a profound effect on my personality.
` It is helping me to process the emotions that my body has been carrying around in it since I was injured traumatically and how supposed loved ones terrorized, dehumanized and demonized me for the swelling, inability to walk for several weeks, and developing permanent physical disabilities and living in constant pain for most of my life.

Apparently, I'm just a terrible, terrible person for being able to feel physical and emotional pain.

` I have more to say about that in my next video, which I am soon to get back to working on again today.
` I didn't do much work on it two days ago because I went to the Theo chocolate factory and got to go on their tour, and actually into the floor of their factory and the kitchen area! There were cacao nibs from the Congo which tasted like cheese, nibs from Peru that I thought tasted more like beer, a chocolate dodecahedron, and lots of confectiony goodness. I didn't see any oompa-loompas, but I did get a short video of an actual cacao tree's blossoms sprouting off the trunk. Very rare in a young tree growing in a windowless room!
` Afterwards, I got some amusing video under a certain bridge, although let's just say it's much more amusing to me than it would be to most people.

As for the second part of my amazing psychedelic article, which I had already done most of the work on before publishing Part 1... I haven't even worked on it at all since then. Sure, it's mostly-finished. How did I manage to not get back to it? I suppose that's a long story and I won't bore you with the details. But I intend to pick it back up soon.

Right after I've written a very important email, or at least started on it. It's of profound importance, but I won't be able to reveal its importance until later.

At this moment, I must get dressed, get in the car, go get some pizza and buy some other important items, such as a shower curtain to replace the one I accidentally destroyed yesterday. It's a long story. I will have more for you all very soon!

I have 307 "videos", mostly short clips so far....

Most of them are only a few seconds long, but I thought I would take a screen capture to show you how many video clips I have been uploading lately, for your later viewing.

Notice that the latest ones feature the plants I've been tending, as well as Matt clearing some more space along the side of the house to make room for more of them!
` As I planted even more succulents yesterday, I recorded glimpses of the Blue Angel jets screeching and roaring overhead.

Yes, I'm back at it again. I was doing well not to spend much time with the crassulaceids. There's not much weeding to do because there has been no rain for over a month, and barely any for a month before that.
` I water them a bit, but perhaps not enough, as two of the species have died off!

Yesterday, I have replaced one of the species, and have gotten even more types of crassulaceid. Oh, the plants!
` Other than that, I've been letting my computer's CPUs be dedicated to uploading videos, but I'll take a little break from that to get back to my writing and all.

I haven't been spending much time writing, so I've been spending time reading a book that I'm borrowing. About psychedelics, of course.
` Later on, after I get back from viewing the beach at sunset, I plan to get back to finishing what I've started in writing. Just before bed, I plan to clear some more space from my hard drive, and upload even more video clips while I'm asleep.